Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
