need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
