the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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