dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
