i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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