my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
