Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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