Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
