New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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