Banned from zoo.
Again?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
