I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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