walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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