they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
