If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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