Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
