Pappa wants mamma naked
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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