Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
