Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize