When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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