Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
