Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
