i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
