so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
one two three fourrrrnication!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
