You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize