I want to make a zoo with you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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