After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drake has all the answers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
