I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm passing your future prison.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Come on in and take your pants off
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