Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
