I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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