Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
