I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
