I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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