The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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