Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
