alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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