One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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