I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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