Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
