Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
