just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
