And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its not stalking. its research.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
