He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
