we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
