i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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