I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
