I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
