I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
