You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize