Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
