someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
