so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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