Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
