Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
only you would photoshop your dick
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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