Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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