I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
