I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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