You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
