I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
