u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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