you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
