Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
