Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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