It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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