My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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