Don't make out with my wife yet
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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