I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
